>See the post below this one, but just to be clear there are some things here (links, mostly) that are NOT WORK SAFE.

This website reflects the dual nature of Steph’s and my personalities and careers. She is nice, I am not. And if you run across, say, a picture of a guy with a fire extinguisher up his butt, you’ve been warned.

(Actually, I think I e-mailed that photo to every “friend” who kept passing along lame jokes and fake virus alerts to me, but I don’t think it’s actually linked here. Sorry if that disappoints anyone.)

>Pertinent to Steph’s last post, I just looked at our lawn and the rain is doing it a world of good.

This pisses me off. I’ve been out there hacking up the soil with a garden rake, mixing in richer soil, putting down patch and mulch in the bare spots, reseeding and fertilizing, and watering every day it didn’t rain. Nothing.

Then Mr. Bigshot I-Can-Make-It-Rain God comes along and in two days flat the lawn is growing like, um, Astroturf? No, that doesn’t work. Astroturf is the work of Satan.

Anyway, why can’t God let me be better at just this ONE thing? what kind of stupid cosmic rivalry is this? You don’t see me going around trying to create ostriches, do you?

>The downside: I’m now a four-eyed freak.

The upside: My wife’s nipples are not actually blurry.

>This sounds so cool! Discovery Channel’s Monster House

>Stephanie and I have been arguing a lot lately about whether or not I can have an ostrich.

Her arguments are mainly as follows:

1. There is something wrong with you. You are a complete fucking idiot.

2. We live in a townhome in an urban area where it gets very cold.

3. Ostriches are mean.

4. You can’t ride an ostrich anyway.

My counter arguments go something like this:

1. Am not!

2. We can keep it in the garage.

3. They are only mean to people who are going to eat them and pluck out their feathers and make ugly leather out of them. I just want to ride mine around.

4. http://www.digisys.net/bcranch/race.htm

I should mention that the only abuse my ostrich might suffer is that I remember a Curious George book from when I was a kid, where Curious George fed a trumpet to an ostrich, so that the ostrich had a big trumpet-shaped lump in its throat. While Stephanie is indeed a big dumb monkey, and she might do something like feed a trumpet to an ostrich, we don’t have any trumpets at this time.

>Heh! Look! I’m in your blog! And I was just trying log onto my blogger account. Holy crap. How did this happen?

Mwahahaha!

My name is Steph and I’m a big dumb monkey.

>Good thing I’m not a gay, unemployed, uninsured, illegal immigrant or I’d be really mad about Dumbass’ speech last night. Oh wait, I am really mad.

Actually, it was the best possible speech for the Democrats. Here’s the message loud and clear: Bush is insane and not living in the same universe the rest of us are. We must act together to vote him out of office.

I know this sounds like a “Duh” thing to say, but I recall, not so long ago, a bunch of Nader supporters voting Bush into the White House.

>Comedian Lenny Bruce pardoned for obscenity use, almost 40 years after death

>Is just as I remembered it.

>So I forced Tim to go down to Minnesota Comedy Club last night to do the open stage and there ended up not being a show. It’s the (mean) thought that counts?

But on Friday night, also at MCC, Bob Larson is doing a free version of Hecklefest at 10:30. Tim is planning on going down there and probably going up on stage. If you want to heckle Tim and other various comics on Friday night, here are the show details:

Minnesota Comedy Club — BestWestern Maplewood

Friday, December 5, 10:30pm, Free

Directions/Map