by the Mitchells


October 21st, 2003

Well, I’ve been trying to figure out how to make this whole process more erotic. Eroticism is really the only reason the Internet exists. Okay, eroticism; buying shit from Amazon so you don’t actually have to leave your house to get a wedding present for someone you hate; and stealing music.

But porn drives the whole thing.

To try and make this more interesting, I have been trying to masturbate while I write these things so I can describe the sensation to our reader(s). (Usually, “pretty good.”)

In an apparent attempt to foil this process, Stephanie has posted, over to your left, a photograph of Ari Hoptman. Now, Ari is one of the funniest people I have ever met, but as Stephanie is surely aware, he is far from my romantic ideal. Or, as Liz Jubera, a girl I had a crush on once put it, “Ew.”

To summarize:

1. Stephanie — Against artistic experimentation.

2. Ari Hoptman — Funny, sexually unappealing.

3. Me — Not masturbating.


October 21st, 2003

>I am trying to figure out the difference between just writing shit and putting it on a website, and “blogging.”

So far, the main difference I can see is that there is less porn involved in blogging. But maybe I just haven’t seen the right blogs yet.

Vagina. Did that make you hot? Nope, me either. Maybe if I blog, and then go to a strip club…